The 100-meter progressive footrace

A 100-meter progressive foot race was organized by five sports fans and ten men signed up to compete. The race was set up so all ten members would start at the starting line and race to the finish line. The race would be run again the next day and the first place winner would be awarded a ten-meter head start for winning the day before, second place would be awarded five meters and so on down the line until last place, who would again start at the start. Once someone was within one meter of the finish, if he were to win again, his bonus would be taken out of the remaining racers head start until they were back at the finish line, at which time they would be eliminated. At the end of each race, winners would be awarded prizes proportional to their finishing order. The prizes were paid for from ticket revenue, which spectators paid in advance.
On the first day, the men lined up and prepared to race. The starter pistol was fired and they began to sprint. The runners were fairly evenly matched, within a few paces of each other. The spectators cheered, willing their favorites to win. Toward the finish line, two leaders inched ahead of the pack. Nearing the finish line, one man produced a handful of marbles and tossed them under the feet of the second leader, causing him to slow just enough to give the first man the win.
A disagreement erupted among the organizers. Some felt it was unfair for the first man to use the marbles to win the race. They wanted to make a rule against it and strip the winner of his bonus. Others accused them of wanting to punish him for being more clever than his opponents. After all, they could have just as easily thought of the same idea and there were no rules against it when he did it. It was his ingenuity that gave him the edge. They decided to put it to a vote. Each runner promised to give one percent of his winnings to the organizers if they would vote his way. The sports fans understood math and voted the marbles were allowed.
The next day the race was run again with the staggered starts. The runners again ran at nearly the same speed, but the previous day's winner was five meters ahead of his nearest rival and won easily. The runners in the  midldle of the pack threw marbles, elbows and anything else they could think of to pull ahead of each other, hoping to gain enough ground to get to the front of the pack. This continued day after day, the runners changing places but never catching the leader. One runner noticed there was a slope to the track and all the debris thrown by the other runners collected in his lane, slowing him down. He appealed to the organizers that it was unfair, that it didn't give him a chance to catch up. The organizers knew he didn't have any winnings to offer them if they intervened in his favor and ignored him. They told him sports were not fair and if he had just worked harder on the first day he could be at the front and not a lazy loser at the back of the pack.
The races went on day after day until the man in first place was started one meter from the finish line. He loped across the line and won. The next race all the other racers' head start was reduced by half and the man with the debris in his lane was eliminated. Day after day the leader won, the others were pushed back and the last place runner was eliminated. The spectators grew bored of the races, but they had bought their tickets so they watched anyway. On the last day the leader won again and the last racer was eliminated. He raised his arms in victory but nobody cheered. He looked up into the crowd and saw that no one looked happy. Except in the glass booth where the five sports fans were celebrating, so he went to join them. The six people had all the prizes bought with all the ticket money. in the booth. They had jewlery, games, music and more fine food and drink than they could possibly consume.
Outside, the spectators began to become angry. They saw that the race was set up from the very beginning to end up this way and they felt ripped off. They began to knock on the glass booth, demanding their money back. Inside, the six turned up the music and lowered the curtains. They ate, drank and celebrated until they all became very fat and sick and they all died. The spectators all left. They wanted to get the prizes bought with their ticket money out of the glass booth, but the doors were locked and the glass was too thick to break. It remained locked in the room with the six bodies and gathered dust.
This was the last 100-meter progressive foot race.

The government of the LDS libertarian

A recent internet debate with a Mormon libertarian left me thinking about the relationship between Christianity, particularly the LDS variety, and libertarianism. I have known many Mormons who proclaim to be Libertarian in their views. I find this odd, as it is very apparent they fully believe in government. Socialist, totalitarian, unelected and unaccountable government. They believe we are all subject to this government. We don't get to vote on it, criticize it or petition it for a redress of grievances. They hold contempt for the American form of government, in which people are free to have their own thoughts and opinions. This is a government that prosecutes thoughtcrime.

The LDS church is a socialist organization. There is no question about this. Its members are required to surrender ten percent of their income to the church, with which it does as it sees fit. This ranges from welfare for the poor to the building of high-end shopping malls for the continued profit of the prophets. Members might claim this redistribution of weatlh (a term defined by my opponent as " requir[ing] theft from one person and an unearned gift to another") is given by their own free will and differs from taxation in that it is not compulsory. Any Saint who has ever opted out of the full tithe knows this is nonsense. Not tithing is a sure way to lose one's temple recommend, which means demotion to a lower kingdom of Heaven. Not paying taxes in the U.S. might result in incarceration, which is continued existence  with reduced freedom and pleasure, for a finite time. Not paying taxes in the LDS world results in eternal incarceration.

The faithful might next argue that this form of taxation is justified as it comes from a perfect and moral divine authority. This would charge them with demonstrating the perfect morality of a being who thinks its fun to command his faithful follower to kill his beloved son, only to call "just kidding" at the last moment. A being who feels rubbernecking at a rain of fire upon ones own house to be worthy of the death penalty. A being who feels just fine killing babies. Not to leave out the New Testament, a being who shows his perfect love by creating an entire race of beings programed to fail, the only way they can can escape failure is to become sycophants to him and his son, whom he demanded be tortured to death as some sort of primitive blood sacrifice. So I guess the perfect morality argument is out.

So what's left? Personal revelation. "Just knowing" the presence and intent of God. Nevermind the contradictory accounts of all those who claim to have had such revelations. Nevermind those who tried with all their heart to experience such revelation, only to kneel in punishing silence with hands folded. Nevermind the testimony of those who have had such experiences and later conceded they were more likely a product of their own biology. Nevermind scientific experiments which replicate these mystical experiences with electromagnetic stimulation of the brain and psychoactive chemicals. They are right. Their beliefs are true and we need to accept them. We are all subject to the regulations of their dictatorship, we know it, and we are just too stupid/stubborn/selfish to admit it.

At the end of this all I must doff my cap to my rhetorical adversary. What started out as a knife fight was transformed, through civility and a sense of humor, into a table tennis match. He may not have been able to keep up with my volleys, but at the end of the day you put down your paddle and have a beer. Or a Diet Coke. Whatever quenches your thirst.